On Alex Zane

Can’t believe I’ve not been able to stick to my first rule on my second post.  Still working on the other posts…so here is a rough, un-thought through rant about Alex Zane (the unfunny cockend).

I have often accused myself of being an elitist when it comes to comedy.  I think that there are things that just aren’t funny.  One of those things is Alex Zane.  Actually that’s not true.  The one and only thing I find funny about him is that he is described as a ‘comedian’.

The first time I heard really heard of him was when he interviewed Avril Lavigne on Popworld.  I’ve heard it described as Avril being not bright enough to get the edgy and off-beat comedy interview questions.  Irrespective of this, the resulting product is actually a great example of how not to conduct an interview.  Zane had a list of questions that were written beforehand that he felt were funny enough to reel off regardless of what the answers from the interviewee were.  The ‘Venice smells like eggs section’, for example.  Avril doesn’t think it smelt like eggs at all and she complimented the place.  Zane ploughs on with the egg thing regardless and shoehorns in the payoff.  Well, what was he to do, I guess – with the ‘egg’ thing out there, he had to justify it somehow.  And where were the Sunflower oil/perfume comments leading to?  It seemed like the interview was less about Avril and more about how funny and ‘quirky’ his questions were and how quirky (or whatever) he, Alex Zane, was.

Then there’s Balls of Steel, where he hosts a bunch of games where it is impossible for any contestant to win.  Here is one to split your sides to.  A good idea on paper, perhaps.  In practice, it’s the type of thing that might be funny when someone subjected to it might deserve it, or even celebrities who are game, but not when it’s done to unsuspecting members of the general public.  Where is the comedy supposed to be derived from anyway?  If it’s schadenfreude it’s pretty cheap and easy; if the contestant is a stooge then it’s pointless; if it’s how ridiculous it is then there are better, more creative and worthwhile ways of doing that.  This is what you get for employing Alex Zane, pointless, cheap and easy comedy devoid of effort or creativity.  (I just want to point out that: the last point in this bit is not a comment on whether Alex Zane’s type of comedy is good or not, merely stating my opinion on how his type of comedy seems to me.)

Lastly, there is the song he co-wrote and broadcast on his breakfast show on XFM.  Full details on this pdf from OFCOM: issue127, pages 24-26, as I can’t find a copy of the broadcast online.  There’s a lot to say about the issues here, but I’ll talk about those, including what I think is and isn’t a joke, in another post.

So what do I think of Alex Zane?  I think he’s a prick.  He doesn’t produce anything that is good, and whatever he does that happens to be good or funny is by complete accident.  He doesn’t have any opinions of his own.  His stuff is the Shit that other people shit shits out.  He should have a sock shoved in his mouth, his cock sliced in half lengthways, tied up and thrown into shark infested waters.  Professionally.

On a personal level he might be a nice guy to have a drink with.


One thought on “On Alex Zane

  1. cascade21

    My feelings on Alex Zane have never lent strongly in either direction, that was until I read the Ofcom report of that terrible song he and XFM wrote. Now I kinda dislike him…though I agree with your concluding remarks: I imagine it would be nice sharing a pint with him.



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